The Curious Case of Authenticity
I recently finished watching the documentary “The Curious Case of Natalia Grace,” and a scene from it prompted me to consider the connection between authenticity, beliefs, and boundaries.
I’ve written out the dialogue from that scene for context:
Natalia: "Please don't cuss."
Michael: "I'll do my best. I speak a certain way. I'll do my best."
A little while later Natalia asks Michael a question...
Michael responds: "That's a hell of a question."
Natalia’s guardian interrupts: "Before you do that, let's respect God in this place. Let's not use curse words."
Michael’s attorney confronts the guardian: "We'll respect everyone's boundaries. No more than you ask Michael not to be himself. I will not ask you not to be a Christian today."
I paused the show after that interaction to explore my reaction to what I just watched. My kneejerk reaction was that Michael did not respect Natalia’s request for him not to cuss. But upon further reflection, I realized I felt that way because as a society we have placed higher importance on the idea that swearing is disrespectful than on allowing people to be themselves and speak the way they authentically communicate. Now, that’s not to say someone can’t implement a boundary, like Natalia did, but Michael responded to her boundary indicating that he may not be able to fulfill her request. It then becomes a choice to stay or leave the situation.
With my clients, I encourage authenticity and living with integrity because people pleasing and shape shifting can be an exhausting cycle of changing who you are to fit the environments you’re in. That’s not to say we shouldn’t make small adjustments to adapt to situations for our own comfort or to show respect. But what about when people expect us to change to match their beliefs and we choose not to oblige because it would not be authentic? It’s okay to say, “this doesn’t allow me to be the real me so I’m leaving,” or, “this doesn’t allow me the level of comfort I want or deserve so I’m going to set a boundary.” Protecting ourselves is the key to survival and one side doesn’t get to make all the rules of engagement. We all get to choose who and what is safest for us.
Journal Prompts: Making it Personal
What was your initial reaction to the dialogue?
Do you think your reaction was rooted in your own beliefs or beliefs that have been imposed on you?
Where have you not been showing up authentically and how can you allow more of your true self in those scenarios?
