When You’re Great at Everything, Except Enjoying It
Perfectionism is Stealing Your Pleasure
You’re smart. Driven. Capable. You’ve built a life that looks pretty damn good on the outside. You’re the one people trust and depend on. You get things done. You show up. You push through.
And yet… something’s missing.
You feel disconnected from joy, rest, and even your own body. Whether it’s sex, rest, or something simple like enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, pleasure feels just out of reach. You’re too in your head. Too tense. Too busy thinking about the next thing on your list.
If that sounds familiar, I want you to know you’re not alone. And you’re definitely not broken. What you’re experiencing is something I see all the time in therapy with high-achieving women. The good news? It can get better.
It’s Not Just You. It’s What You’ve Been Taught.
So many high-achieving women have grown up with messages like:
“Don’t rely on anyone else.”
“Hard work equals success.”
“Push through. Get it done.”
“No one can do it like you can.”
“Productivity equals worth.”
These beliefs have likely helped you succeed. They’ve shaped your career, your identity, and your reputation. But they don’t tend to support prioritizing intimacy, self-care, or rest.
In fact, they can completely disconnect you from pleasure.
When Success Starts to Feel Empty
If you’re used to producing, perfecting, and achieving, then slowing down can feel almost uncomfortable.
You feel guilty when you’re not being productive.
You rush through self-care just to check it off the list.
You struggle to enjoy sex or feel present with your partner.
Even when you try to relax, your mind won’t stop.
You don’t ask for help because you believe you should figure it out on your own.
The truth is, this isn’t about lack of effort. It’s about your nervous system doing exactly what it has learned to do to keep you going. When you stay in that always-on, high-functioning mode, it becomes nearly impossible to shift into rest and enjoyment.
You Don’t Have to Earn Rest. You Don’t Have to Perform Pleasure.
This might be hard to believe, but I’ll say it anyway:
You deserve to feel good.
You’re allowed to enjoy.
You don’t have to “do it all” before you get to receive.
Rest is a need, not a luxury only some people get to enjoy.
This work is vulnerable and often rooted in deeply held beliefs. But it’s also life-changing. You can still be the ambitious, brilliant, capable woman you are and learn how to feel more alive, more connected, and more at ease.
Relearning How to Feel Good
Therapy that supports nervous system regulation can help you unlearn the patterns and beliefs that keep you stuck in go-mode. Together, we can explore how to:
Let go of the shaming beliefs that are holding you hostage
Connect with your body and what it’s trying to tell you
Create safety around rest, touch, and receiving
Rebuild intimacy and pleasure on your terms, not out of obligation but out of desire
Pleasure isn’t something you have to earn. It’s something you’re allowed to feel, starting now.
If you’re ready to stop performing and start feeling again schedule a free consultation and let’s begin the work of helping you reconnect — with pleasure, with rest, and with yourself.
Reflection Prompts: Making it Personal
1. Think of a time you felt completely free to rest, relax, and enjoy the present moment.
2. As you recall that experience, notice any body sensations and images that come to mind.
3. What feelings and thoughts do you connect with that experience?
4. If positive thoughts and feelings come up, try to stay anchored in that. If negative thoughts and feelings arise, see if you can explore whether they are rooted in your beliefs or beliefs and values place upon you by others.
